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Here Goes Nothing

by Paul Tabachneck

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1.
even as my breath goes in and out of time even as my train of thought goes off its track even as i mediate the conversation between the angel and the devil on my back there's a feeling that we're both supposed to be here that we have miles to go before we understand i'm calling you out calling your name calling in prayer that you'll feel the same i'm calling you out you're calling me names i will prove worthy i will prove worthy one of these days we've all got our share of sorrow in our lives we've all got our failures keeping us in check but the measure of the mettle of mere mortals is how we swim with albatrosses on our backs we could stay here hidden safely in our hovels or we could face the world with bruised but open hands i'm calling you out...
2.
in the eye of a hurricane is where your apartment lies we play at love and cry each other's name we both know the end is nigh i'm fine at the time of this writing no ruse could be more inviting the wonderful lie that you told me keeps me hanging hoping everything'll be all right the horrible truth is a disaster gaining on me faster i'm afraid to go outside who could ask for more i'll just hang indoors with the wonderful lie i bet you thought it wouldn't resonate i don't seem like the cloying kind you'd think i'd like to play it casual that my interest would wane with time i'm lost for an explanation you've changed me at my foundation the wonderful lie.... i knew it was too good to be true no one tells it quite as good as you you're so wonderful...
3.
Jerk 03:30
i am a jerk oh, i say things that jerks say and i do things that jerks do i play games that only jerks play it's just the jerk's way i start out like this on monday and if you catch me on sunday i'm mellowing out and getting ready for the next weekly wave you can't change me now 35 years of vim and vigor you can't change me now 16 spent calming itchy triggers you can't change me now well, my hair got gone as my head got bigger i am a jerk yeah, i want things my own way it's been like that since my first birthday my first cake was a twinkie my first word was lame, i'm a jerk i'm ungrateful and selfish loving me must be hellish if every inch that you give me a yard comes away you can't change me now 35 years of piss and spittle you can't change me now six years of beatdowns for playing fiddle you can't change me now well my heart got hard as my bones got brittle still i kiss every baby i make time for every dog i give advice when they ask me link my friends on my blog i give my seat to old ladies and take the outside of the sidewalk yeah, i kiss every baby i make time for every dog i am a jerk but lots of you seem to like me and my family keeps trying even though i was born spitting mad vitriol i'm a jerk i never asked for the title but some among us who are spiteful may whisper that i'm not a creature that you wanna know you can't change me now 35 years of pock-faced jingles you can't change me now all this, and ladies, the boy's still single you can't change me now....
4.
Enough 03:25
if i say i like you and you say you like me over a lukewarm cup of coffee if i amuse you and you don’t annoy me and we agree loneliness gets boring if we both concede we share the sweet rapport of lust but it ain’t love is it enough? it could be magic it could be winning it could be everything we could be but it could be tragic we could be losing our perfect friendship just by choosing not to keep each other’s hearts in mind and use kid gloves ’cause it ain’t love but is it enough? we can’t ignore it it’s a shame we brought it up ’cause it ain’t love it’s not enough
5.
Home 02:32
the neighbors are about to start complainin’ ‘bout the noise in this room it’s ‘cause we keep ‘em up for hours and it’s always over too soon our bodies’ conversations ride a special cadence rising ‘til we crash to the floor we smile and hold each other underneath the covers flirting ‘til we’re ready once more when we’re alone you make me feel like i’m home my friends at work all tell me i should split before i’m caught in your web you might as well be tryin’ to kill the roaches just by sayin’ they’re dead well it may be that the crazy ways that you behave imbue you with a charm all your own i’m trying not to overanalyze the situation but it’s all that i know when we’re alone you make me feel like i’m home leave the window open baby it’s too warm to be fall i feel like i’m home finally the bitter loneliness i’ve felt for so long has nowhere to go you make me feel like i’m home after so long and how far i’ve roamed i’m finally home
6.
January 03:27
when we hit when we hit bottom then we know there is nowhere to go but up that’s something when we fall we remember how we did it so we know next time to stop stop running stop running when you care you build a barricade and tell yourself you won’t get hurt again it’s no wonder but if you dare dare to level yours i promise that i will not make you raise another we’ll let the cynics crow let ‘em talk all night kiss me soft and warm we’ll let ‘em hog the mic we won’t take the bait let ‘em think they’re right 'cause we’ve got hope and hope never dies so stop running when we hit when we hit bottom then we know there is nowhere to go
7.
ok the story so far girl breaks boy’s heart boy takes revenge girl takes a righteous offense boy licks his wounds watches cartoons here’s a tv set here’s the lights down low here’s an empty house here’s a radio plays the same old song tells of love gone wrong like the end of the world is boy meets girl ok it continues like this girl talks through spite boy pleads the fifth boy feels alone and confused girl just feels used but here’s a new red dress here’s a dim-lit bar here’s a line of shots while the new jukebox plays the same old song... maybe it’s the other way ‘round it hardly seems to matter now no one here is losing out here’s an unwashed dish here’s a tarnished ring here’s a wasted year here’s to more like these it’s the same old song....
8.
Hey Hey Hey 03:30
you smile at me sometimes like we’ve got a secret we share and i’m sprung like a newborn who’s gasping his first breath of air i don’t know if you come here alone i don’t know if there’s someone at home but the first time i saw you my head sent my ships off to war my heart made a hollowed-out horse to give someone what for my hands reached for something to play my lips reached for something to say but all they’ve come up with was “hey, hey, hey” hey, hey, hey, you’re all kinds of lovely hey, hey, hey, i’m all kinds of yours hey, hey, you’re all kinds of adorable you’re one of the reasons i come to this bar when it’s late you’re two of my favorites when i get to drinking this way and it’s three-fifty going on four and everyone else has an eye on the door but i’ve lost all track of the time counting the ways, ways, ways hey, hey hey... your sparkling eye brings a shine right to mine you pass me and i’m in a daze you send me and it’s just a matter of time ’til i lift my chin up and say, say, say hey, hey, hey...
9.
New York 03:50
if you’re thinkin’ ‘bout new york in the context of our nation it’s not too far from where you are and i think you might owe yourself a few weeks’ vacation you could come on up and see me we’ll try on each other’s daydreams and find out if we’re everything that we’re cracked up to be or just mistakes in the making ’cause i’ve been waiting for you to be free there’s nothing there holding you back come on up and see me if you’re thinkin’ ‘bout a new life if you’re scoutin’ for locations this has to be the place for you this city’s full of misfit toys with lives in the making and i've been waiting...
10.
Astoria 04:00
i’ve been wandering the streets of astoria i’ve been trying to find you so we can talk about the way that we kissed last night you’re so beautiful i don’t wanna bore you like i first had a mind to by saying everything that everyone has said to you for your whole life i will go anywhere you lead me ’cause i’m sure life is better there i feel warm though my breath is spelling out your name in cursive in the air i’ve been wandering the streets of astoria rom the quays to the rover tryin’ to figure out a way that i could set things straight so you will know i’m not corrupt like they told ya when you talked to my formers i’m a boy and life is messy i was bound to make a few mistakes i will fall to my knees to find you pray to gods that i’ve never known i’ve done wrong but i don’t think penance means i’ll sepnd my whole life on my own i’ve been wandering the streets of astoria....

credits

released April 16, 2011

Paul Tabachneck: Guitar, Piano, Mouth
Mark Marshall: Bass, Drums, Knobs

Violins on "January" by Gene Back

Produced and engineered by Mark Marshall
Mixed and mastered by Allen Farmelo
Assistant engineer: Rich Crescenti
Assistant mixer: Nicole Pettigrew

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Paul Tabachneck New York

I started doing music in Pittsburgh, fronting the folk-rock band Stone Soup, the dark-pop band Dead Pressed Flowers, and the Power Pop band Manpig aka Everybody Wins. After that, I moved to New York, mostly playing solo and busking a lot. Now I live in CT and play in my home office because everything is bad and no one can go out. See me Wednesdays at 7:30 at facebook.com/paultab! ... more

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